Twenty years in a blink

I don't even have to close my eyes,
to recall what I looked like twenty years ago;
my mother will always tell me it was nice,
in all fairness, I probably looked so and so.

But if you were to ask me how she looked then,
and how she does now, I see someone tired,
somewhat relieved, but very unfit and uncertain,
having done so much, having run so very hard.

She's taking a bow, tomorrow.
A string of ailments, sacrifices galore, often in vein,
happiness always elusive, depleting resources in tow,
dear mom, you've been nice, time to pass the rein.

Nostalgia, warts and all

We'll follow up the exclusion story some other time. For some time now, I have been feeling that the less we talk about exclusion, the better. And I have been feeling nostalgic, missing many people and many pasts. Am I getting old, or just bold enough to admit it in public? These things do not really matter, for I realize at the same time that I have never felt so bullish about myself. This lovely feeling that it does not matter comes at a price, often a rather steep one. I daresay I rather like it. Let's hear from Gurudeb:

Ache Dukkho Ache Mrityu, biraho dahana lage/tobuo shanti, tobu anonodo, tobu ananta jage/Tobu prana Nitya dhra, ase surjo Chandra tara/Basanta nikunje ase bichitro rage/ Taranga milaye jai, taranga uthe/Kusum Jhariya pade, Kusuma phute/ Nakhi Khya, nahi sesha, nahi nahi Doinyo Besha/sei Purnotaaro paye mono sthano Maange.

I am sorry, dear reader, if you are not a Bengali. Even otherwise you must be familiar with that famous verse of Ishoponishada--Purnamada Purnamidam....--which I am sure at least partly inspired Tagore when he had been working on this particular piece. You'll clrealy see much from the Geeta and various Upanishadas walking into the song in a rather seamless process. There is a wonderful collection of the Upanishadas by Dr. Radhakrishnan in English for you to begin with and to keep going back to, like many of us. Do listen to this Tagore song nonetheless, especially in Debabrata Biswas' voice. I have tremendous, boundless joy everytime I listen to this track, especially when I am down for one reason or another. No not the rapturous, orgasmic kind of eruptive joy, although that is no less significant, but a rather calm, accepting kind of a reassuring joy that I get to learn so much everyday. I do not know if I belive in God but I am grateful, and do hereby offer my shraddha (respects) to whoever or whatever it is that orders us all, one way or another. Interesting isn't it, the spelling in Sanskrit (and thereby Hindi and many oher Indian languages) for respect and funerary ceremonies (Shraddha again) is the same, that is, they are homonyms? It's only this exchange of place between aa and oo (as in the sound) that makes all the difference. Frankly, I do not think it is a matter of phonetics alone. It is only after you ceremonially get rid of your own self that you respect others. Trust me it is true. Try it and you'll realize. May Goddess Durga bless you all. May you all get what you really want.

PS-I hope you see, dear reader, that I am referring merely to the question of transcription, and not even moving as far up as translation. Fact is we cannot ever understand each other completely, but that is no reason why we should not try. Even a partial understanding is better than no understanding. Now if you were to suggest that no understanding is better than misunderstanding, I would listen and introspect and keep quiet. These verbal juggleries no longer move me that much for I firmly believe in communication. It's just that we have to work out the right medium. Such as silence.

security, insecurities, exclusions

In PVR Priya they think well dressed young women cannot be suicide bombers and modestly dressed slightly older young men can. The other day I went to watch this new movie there with my laptop bag slung on my shoulder. I was promptly advised to leave my bag out of the auditorium premises. Appreciting their keen attention to the security of the patrons, I asked them where they have the baggage counter where you deposit your bags for the duration of the show and get it back after you walk out of the auditorium. This is a common practice and a desirable one too. I am familar with it, especially when I visit libraries and shops of various descrirptions, institutions that put in place such mechanisms to keep kelptomanics at bay.

But I was wrong in this case. It is not kleptomaniacs but potential suicide bombers that these plush seats of entertainment worry about. Therefore, they just don't want your bags to be around in the first place. I was directed to a paan bidi shop nearby, the owner of which had been doing precisely what I expected the PVR authorities to do--keeping your bags for the duration of the show, at a price of course.

In other words, PVR authorities are devoted only to the secutiry of their own premises and and to yours too only when you are physically within their premises. The physical bit is taken very literally, for if you happen to carry a bag and a laptop, it will be assumed to be potential bomb and you will be forced to deposit it with that upwardly mobile paanwala. The uniformed secutiry men did not heed my repeated requests to subject the bag to a metal detector test and, if found harmless, let me carry it in. Only purse, they as well as their boss, an older young man like me but slightly better bulit and 'tie'd, said like robots, is allowed in. I will return to matters relating to their idea of purse later. In the meantime, I tried to reason, then demanded to meet the manager who I was told was too big a shot to meet an occassional oddball and then, proceeded to the ticket counter and asked for a refund since I was no longer in a mood to enjoy their hospitality. These sites of entertainment of course do not entertain any concept of refund. I was free to sell my ticket to any interested customer but the chap at the box office dismissive stared at me as if I was a beggar who has to bother about the measly sum of 75 Rs. His gaze having fixed me as a beggar of a certain kind, my middle class instincts prompted me to behave like one and and I went over to the paanwala and deposited my bag with him. No I was not carrying my laptop on that given morning.

It's here that the twist in the tale comes in. But I am going to bring that in tomorrow or whenever I am going to return gain.